Closure

I have heard too many people whining about closure in my life. Even me maybe, at one point. And the question I want to ask is, "Who cares about closure really, and is closure ACTUALLY what we're looking for?"

I don't think it is. I think looking for closure is simply an admittance that what has in fact happened is not what we wanted to happen at all, and now we want someone to answer for it, and perhaps make it appear as if it didn't actually happen. Or we are waiting for some magician to unmake it happen. Or we just want to wake up from a dream like Dorothy and realize we've learned an important lesson, but all the people we love are still actually with us, among the living.

The sad truth is, closure of any kind, in any situation, cannot come from without. It can only come from your own, very personal realization that you are OK with what has happened, you are strong enough to deal with it, and that you don't need anyone else's presence/approval/collusion to go on with your life.

I know it might sound insensitive, but you don't need to have the "last word" to deal with a break-up, you don't need revenge to deal with a slight, and you certianly don't need retalliation to deal with a wrongful death. Those types of things will only further a misunderstanding which will lead to more unnecessary hurts. Don't you remember the reason why Romeo and Juliet died? A feud between the Capulets and the Montagues. One that was so old no one really knew what the heck it was about.

So my message today, to myself and anyone else who might care: the only closure you need is the closure you give yourself when you say, "It is OK to close this chapter on my life and move on. It is okay for other people to remain hurt and angry if that's what they need, and it is okay for my plans to change. There is more happiness for me, and if I can't move past this experience, I will never get there."

I know the person I want most to read this probably never will, so I'll just send it as a wish to him.