So, I was just hanging around on Facebook....for HOURS...and was thinking about how boring it is. I am reading things like, "Timmy is thinking about beer," and "Sandra is putting on her jammies," and I am thinking about why it is infinitely interesting (or seems to be) to read about the inanity of other people's lives. I mean, some of them are my close friends, and so their lives are infinitely interesting to me. But why do I need to know what a marginal acquaintance is watching on TV on a Sunday afternoon?
Like really? I care that you're putting on your jammies? I mean, maybe this is what this online generation thing is all about. I am wondering if seeing the boringness of everyone else's life is giving us permission to be boring. Or is making everything seem boring because you can have 24 hour access to every move your friend makes, every beer they drink, every trip they take - provided they took pictures. Like world travel is on the same importance level as working on a spreadsheet on Tuesday morning in the realm of Facebook. Is that normal?
I wonder sometimes about the value of this limitless availability to people's personal lives - I mean jeez, I hope you're not reading this thinking it's actually interesting. I am in awe of the fact that people in Belgium and Vietnam have read my blog. How is this possible? How is what I say interesting to a person who lives on the other side of the world?
In one way it is really "it's a small world after all" and what have you. How we can all be so connected. And then I realize that I have no idea what the person sitting next to me on the bus is thinking. And she's RIGHT THERE. Oh, the irony.
Well, whatever. I think it's good that people know when I am asleep and awake, and using whitening strips, and reading Rolling Stone magazine, which is why I tell them via Facebook. It's good that they have something interesting to read about while their being bored out of their minds.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The best break-up and blow-off methods (an opinion poll)
I recently polled a bunch of hot young ladies in their 20-30 something years on what type of break-up communication would be least offensive to them. The poll came on the tail of a conversation with a friend of the male persuasion who had sent a break-up email to a woman after one date. He suffered great distress when I told him his break-up email was totally terrible and offensive. To investigate my claim, I sent out this poll:
So, you go on one date with a guy, and a few days later he sends you an email that basically says he doesn't want to go out again. Which reason would make you feel better? And would you prefer an email or a call?
1) I had a great time, but I met someone else and I want to focus on that right now.
2) I had a great time, but I felt more of a friend connection with you rather than a relationship connection.
****
Here are the results:
67% of women preferred the call. 22% preferred email and said they wanted to avoid an awkward conversation. 11% had no preference.
It was a three way tie over which option was better.
33% said they were on the fence with the reasons, saying: either reason was acceptable, both were gross, or as long as it was the truth it didn't matter.
33% chose option 1, the "I met someone else" reason. However, two of these women also found the merit of option 2, the "we don't have a connection" reason. They reasoned that at first, option 2 sounded like a lie. Which is good. This means we all think of ourselves as very sexy, and good self-esteem is important!
33% chose option 2. They reasoned it sounded nicer, and was classier than admitting one was dating around.
Everyone added some editorial comments. Here are some of my favorites:
"Honestly, I am thinking I'd rather hear that they met someone else...I could be mad at him and the other woman, which would help me get over it faster."
"I can understand getting along with someone else more and respect him for saying so......But I'd also let him know I do not plan to be a back up so don't call for another date if that's his decision!"
"I appreciate honesty and being direct, but [option 1] is just simply poor taste.
Decency? Manners? All a thing of the past."
"I think either is acceptable.
PS - He's stupid."
"I would feel more comfortable if I got an email from him instead of a phone call. After you read the email you can write him back and say thanks for the input...have a great life!"
"Email is a pussy way to get out of any more dates."
"That guy is lame. He def should have called"
"guess if I felt kind of into the guy after the date, I'd appreciate a call. If I didn't give a shiz, I wouldn't care if it was email or not. In general I feel like a call shows much more respect. But I'm kind of a neo-ludite."
****
Personally, I said that while the truth is the best policy, I would prefer the "no chemistry" to "I'm into someone else" because it would be better for my self-esteem. I could get over the fact that he just doesn't get how awesome I am more than the insinuation that he thinks someone else is BETTER than me (unless, of course, I thought he was a total dud anyways).
I also think there is something really icky about bringing up the fact that you are dating other people. If we're in a date situation, I want all focus on me, and I don't need to hear about your other escapades. It leaves me feeling covered in slime. There's a reason you want to date her over me (if she actually exists) like I live too far away, I don't share your political views, my laugh irritates you. Say that instead. At least I'll feel like I have a concrete reason.
And I always think the phone is the most adult way to do things. It shows you really care, you're not being a fraidy cat, and you really want to be able to hear the person's response. An email can be such a cop-out in that regard, because it's totally one way.
In the end, I think everyone has a very individual response to being let down, and while there are certain things you can do to make a bad situation better, there is no perfect answer to making a difficult conversation easy. My male friend said he had the best of intentions with his "no more dates for us" email, and reasoned it was better than nothing at all. I think we can all agree that's true!
And there is a happy end. The cast-off woman actually answered the email (so I was told) and seems like they're going to be pals, and maybe go out for coffee sometime. As friends. Who knew things could turn out so rosy? It gives me hope for the future.
So, you go on one date with a guy, and a few days later he sends you an email that basically says he doesn't want to go out again. Which reason would make you feel better? And would you prefer an email or a call?
1) I had a great time, but I met someone else and I want to focus on that right now.
2) I had a great time, but I felt more of a friend connection with you rather than a relationship connection.
****
Here are the results:
67% of women preferred the call. 22% preferred email and said they wanted to avoid an awkward conversation. 11% had no preference.
It was a three way tie over which option was better.
33% said they were on the fence with the reasons, saying: either reason was acceptable, both were gross, or as long as it was the truth it didn't matter.
33% chose option 1, the "I met someone else" reason. However, two of these women also found the merit of option 2, the "we don't have a connection" reason. They reasoned that at first, option 2 sounded like a lie. Which is good. This means we all think of ourselves as very sexy, and good self-esteem is important!
33% chose option 2. They reasoned it sounded nicer, and was classier than admitting one was dating around.
Everyone added some editorial comments. Here are some of my favorites:
"Honestly, I am thinking I'd rather hear that they met someone else...I could be mad at him and the other woman, which would help me get over it faster."
"I can understand getting along with someone else more and respect him for saying so......But I'd also let him know I do not plan to be a back up so don't call for another date if that's his decision!"
"I appreciate honesty and being direct, but [option 1] is just simply poor taste.
Decency? Manners? All a thing of the past."
"I think either is acceptable.
PS - He's stupid."
"I would feel more comfortable if I got an email from him instead of a phone call. After you read the email you can write him back and say thanks for the input...have a great life!"
"Email is a pussy way to get out of any more dates."
"That guy is lame. He def should have called"
"guess if I felt kind of into the guy after the date, I'd appreciate a call. If I didn't give a shiz, I wouldn't care if it was email or not. In general I feel like a call shows much more respect. But I'm kind of a neo-ludite."
****
Personally, I said that while the truth is the best policy, I would prefer the "no chemistry" to "I'm into someone else" because it would be better for my self-esteem. I could get over the fact that he just doesn't get how awesome I am more than the insinuation that he thinks someone else is BETTER than me (unless, of course, I thought he was a total dud anyways).
I also think there is something really icky about bringing up the fact that you are dating other people. If we're in a date situation, I want all focus on me, and I don't need to hear about your other escapades. It leaves me feeling covered in slime. There's a reason you want to date her over me (if she actually exists) like I live too far away, I don't share your political views, my laugh irritates you. Say that instead. At least I'll feel like I have a concrete reason.
And I always think the phone is the most adult way to do things. It shows you really care, you're not being a fraidy cat, and you really want to be able to hear the person's response. An email can be such a cop-out in that regard, because it's totally one way.
In the end, I think everyone has a very individual response to being let down, and while there are certain things you can do to make a bad situation better, there is no perfect answer to making a difficult conversation easy. My male friend said he had the best of intentions with his "no more dates for us" email, and reasoned it was better than nothing at all. I think we can all agree that's true!
And there is a happy end. The cast-off woman actually answered the email (so I was told) and seems like they're going to be pals, and maybe go out for coffee sometime. As friends. Who knew things could turn out so rosy? It gives me hope for the future.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
We're all gonna 'splode!
So I just read this book, The Revenge of Gaia by James Lovelock. There was a pretty awesome article in Rolling Stone that piqued my interest and so I decided to read the whole thing.
Lovelock takes the stance of Bugs Bunny in this book. You know, when Bugs Bunny would finally lose Elmer Fudd at the end of the cartoon, and he would say, "So long screwy, see ya in St. Louis." Basically, when it comes to the environment, we're Screwy. And St. Louis is not such a good place to be. Much like Al Gore gave us a preview of a super heated planet a few years back in his anxiety inducing documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, Lovelock tells us about all the bad things we've done to bring about a climate crisis.
Only Lovelock's story does not have nearly as happy an ending as Gore's. According to Lovelock, it doesn't matter how much we recycle, ride our bikes, switch to solar power, or take canvas totes to the supermarket: it's just way too late. By 2040, our planet will have crazy severe weather to a degree we haven't yet experienced (tornadoes in Boston, Katrina style hurricanes are the norm), and by 2100, the Earth will be 90% uninhabitable, with areas like The North Pole being the only places still temperate enough to host human life. Or any life for that matter.
This idea - even if Lovelock is a total loony - scares the crap out of me. I mean really. And this guy has you know, degrees, and has devoted his life to science and climate study. I feel like his theory is probably based in some verifiable fact. Right?
So, if this is true, what does it mean. Personally, I have taken to saying quite often, "Why are you worried about this trivial bull? Didn't you know the world is going to end soon?" Of course, then I feel like Chicken Little, or Mel Gibson's character in Conspiracy Theory. You know, he was kind of right, but kind of paranoid schizophrenic?
Lovelock has some great ideas. Like immediately switching to nuclear power, and having us develop some kind of bio-engineered food and start planning to live in bio-domes. You know, when the apocalypse comes. In like 90 years.
The funny thing about these ideas being, the peace-nik types who are usually on the front lines of environmental issues, like members of the Sierra Club and Kyra Sedgewick, would never, ever, ever, not in a million years go for them. So, as in many instances in life, it appears that even though we desire the same outcomes, we have different agendas, and thus, we are at an impasse.
I personally am ready to start lobbying for nuclear power, mandatory black outs, demolishing of cars, and whatever else it takes. I mean COME ON! With the way modern medicine is leaning I could still be ALIVE in 90 years. I don't want to have to move to the Arctic Circle when I am 120 years young. With my children. And my grandchildren. And our pets. We probably won't all fit, and that would totally suck.
I don't really know what the solution to the problem might be. I know that this, like skunk overpopulation, the carbs vs. low-fat debate, or poor writing in the new 90210 series, is not a problem I can continue to ignore. I'm doing some research into this whole crazy nuclear energy business, installing the low wattage light bulbs, and shopping local. But I realize these things are mostly for me. I want to do something for you, too. That's why I'm telling you this. Because we're all in it together. And we've got to get past this impasse and make some progress. Or you, me, the kids and the pets, and Santa Claus will all be fighting for a square foot of space in the balmy New North Pole before this crazy party is over.
Lovelock takes the stance of Bugs Bunny in this book. You know, when Bugs Bunny would finally lose Elmer Fudd at the end of the cartoon, and he would say, "So long screwy, see ya in St. Louis." Basically, when it comes to the environment, we're Screwy. And St. Louis is not such a good place to be. Much like Al Gore gave us a preview of a super heated planet a few years back in his anxiety inducing documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, Lovelock tells us about all the bad things we've done to bring about a climate crisis.
Only Lovelock's story does not have nearly as happy an ending as Gore's. According to Lovelock, it doesn't matter how much we recycle, ride our bikes, switch to solar power, or take canvas totes to the supermarket: it's just way too late. By 2040, our planet will have crazy severe weather to a degree we haven't yet experienced (tornadoes in Boston, Katrina style hurricanes are the norm), and by 2100, the Earth will be 90% uninhabitable, with areas like The North Pole being the only places still temperate enough to host human life. Or any life for that matter.
This idea - even if Lovelock is a total loony - scares the crap out of me. I mean really. And this guy has you know, degrees, and has devoted his life to science and climate study. I feel like his theory is probably based in some verifiable fact. Right?
So, if this is true, what does it mean. Personally, I have taken to saying quite often, "Why are you worried about this trivial bull? Didn't you know the world is going to end soon?" Of course, then I feel like Chicken Little, or Mel Gibson's character in Conspiracy Theory. You know, he was kind of right, but kind of paranoid schizophrenic?
Lovelock has some great ideas. Like immediately switching to nuclear power, and having us develop some kind of bio-engineered food and start planning to live in bio-domes. You know, when the apocalypse comes. In like 90 years.
The funny thing about these ideas being, the peace-nik types who are usually on the front lines of environmental issues, like members of the Sierra Club and Kyra Sedgewick, would never, ever, ever, not in a million years go for them. So, as in many instances in life, it appears that even though we desire the same outcomes, we have different agendas, and thus, we are at an impasse.
I personally am ready to start lobbying for nuclear power, mandatory black outs, demolishing of cars, and whatever else it takes. I mean COME ON! With the way modern medicine is leaning I could still be ALIVE in 90 years. I don't want to have to move to the Arctic Circle when I am 120 years young. With my children. And my grandchildren. And our pets. We probably won't all fit, and that would totally suck.
I don't really know what the solution to the problem might be. I know that this, like skunk overpopulation, the carbs vs. low-fat debate, or poor writing in the new 90210 series, is not a problem I can continue to ignore. I'm doing some research into this whole crazy nuclear energy business, installing the low wattage light bulbs, and shopping local. But I realize these things are mostly for me. I want to do something for you, too. That's why I'm telling you this. Because we're all in it together. And we've got to get past this impasse and make some progress. Or you, me, the kids and the pets, and Santa Claus will all be fighting for a square foot of space in the balmy New North Pole before this crazy party is over.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Marriage is like running a small, boring non-profit
This morning, MSFAM sent me the below article:
Marry Him! by Lori Gottlieb.
Incredibly long but funny and interesting treatise on how single women should settle instead of holding out for Mr. Right. When I laughed out loud twice, my co-workers insisted I forward them whatever what helping me to procrastinate.
I guess being a 30-something single, this kind of stuff really gets my dander up. I don't need someone to tell me to settle. And I really don't need anyone to tell me I'm being picky...we've already talked about the men I've dated. I don't think I'm that picky. And personally, I think my mother or best friends would have murdered me due to pity had I settled for one of the self-absorbed, criminally insane, drug addled Mama's boys of days past.
I can't say I don't believe in settling. For the better part of a year my new dating philosophy resembles the author's "marriage is a boring non-profit" stance. Like, I'm not looking for passion. I'm looking for someone who, despite his treacherous mother and inability to put dirty clothes in a hamper, would still be worth hugging and cooking dinner for. Someone that I could be pissed at but still be pleased to be spending my life with. That sounds like settling to me. I just try not to think of it as settling.
The author makes a lovely point, though, and one I've thought about alot. "The man of your dreams doesn't exist. Precisely because you dreamed him up." By this logic every married woman has settled. Right?
I think I have a pretty "settling minded" brain when it comes to marriage. I remember a married friend telling me a story about how her husband is so good because he cleans the floor. She then went on to verbally lambaste him for not doing alot of other stuff to help with their house and baby, to which I replied, "Dude, you love him AND HE CLEANS THE FLOOR!"
Compared to some other husband stories I've heard, that seemed pretty awesome to me. Plus, no one cleans my floor but me. I'd let any stupid, ugly guy hang out at my house at least for a few days if he promised to clean the floor. Never mind love, honor and obey.
The thing that really bothered me about this article though was that it seemed so black and white in terms of age and the need to settle. Like Ms. Gottlieb really believed she would have had better chances finding a less horrible guy in her younger years that she does now as a 30-something single mom. She describes the older men who her older single friends took up with, as:
"a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t always go to his meetings; a trying-to-make-it-in-his-40s actor; a widower who has three nightmarish kids and who’s still actively grieving for his dead wife; and a socially awkward engineer (so socially awkward that he declined to attend his wife’s book party)."
To which I respond: these men were young and single once, and on the market. Someone even married that one with the nightmarish kids...and then she divorced him. Marriage and settling isn't a permanent state of coma/limbo/eternal predictability. You can get married or settle or whatever you want to call it at any age. The reality is the person you settle for is a HUMAN BEING. They grow, change, make mistakes, do stupid things, and will, inevitably, disappoint you. The young ones eventually turn into the old ones. With the problems described above. And us being adults, we should be able to accept that that's part of the deal.
What Liz seems to fail to see is that the story doesn't stop after marriage. It's not a fairy tale. Lots of things happen during "and they live happily ever after." Like adjustable rate mortgages and crushes on people who aren't your spouse and nasty in-laws and kids with colds, and disagreements on where to take the family vacation. And all those things, along with the good things, made it into the qualifier "happy." Happy is a state of mind.
But the whole article just seemed so fixated on marriage as some kind of end goal over which there is so much competition with her married friends. Relax, Liz Gottlieb. You seem like a complainer anyways. If you got married you'd just complain about that, too.
Marry Him! by Lori Gottlieb.
Incredibly long but funny and interesting treatise on how single women should settle instead of holding out for Mr. Right. When I laughed out loud twice, my co-workers insisted I forward them whatever what helping me to procrastinate.
I guess being a 30-something single, this kind of stuff really gets my dander up. I don't need someone to tell me to settle. And I really don't need anyone to tell me I'm being picky...we've already talked about the men I've dated. I don't think I'm that picky. And personally, I think my mother or best friends would have murdered me due to pity had I settled for one of the self-absorbed, criminally insane, drug addled Mama's boys of days past.
I can't say I don't believe in settling. For the better part of a year my new dating philosophy resembles the author's "marriage is a boring non-profit" stance. Like, I'm not looking for passion. I'm looking for someone who, despite his treacherous mother and inability to put dirty clothes in a hamper, would still be worth hugging and cooking dinner for. Someone that I could be pissed at but still be pleased to be spending my life with. That sounds like settling to me. I just try not to think of it as settling.
The author makes a lovely point, though, and one I've thought about alot. "The man of your dreams doesn't exist. Precisely because you dreamed him up." By this logic every married woman has settled. Right?
I think I have a pretty "settling minded" brain when it comes to marriage. I remember a married friend telling me a story about how her husband is so good because he cleans the floor. She then went on to verbally lambaste him for not doing alot of other stuff to help with their house and baby, to which I replied, "Dude, you love him AND HE CLEANS THE FLOOR!"
Compared to some other husband stories I've heard, that seemed pretty awesome to me. Plus, no one cleans my floor but me. I'd let any stupid, ugly guy hang out at my house at least for a few days if he promised to clean the floor. Never mind love, honor and obey.
The thing that really bothered me about this article though was that it seemed so black and white in terms of age and the need to settle. Like Ms. Gottlieb really believed she would have had better chances finding a less horrible guy in her younger years that she does now as a 30-something single mom. She describes the older men who her older single friends took up with, as:
"a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t always go to his meetings; a trying-to-make-it-in-his-40s actor; a widower who has three nightmarish kids and who’s still actively grieving for his dead wife; and a socially awkward engineer (so socially awkward that he declined to attend his wife’s book party)."
To which I respond: these men were young and single once, and on the market. Someone even married that one with the nightmarish kids...and then she divorced him. Marriage and settling isn't a permanent state of coma/limbo/eternal predictability. You can get married or settle or whatever you want to call it at any age. The reality is the person you settle for is a HUMAN BEING. They grow, change, make mistakes, do stupid things, and will, inevitably, disappoint you. The young ones eventually turn into the old ones. With the problems described above. And us being adults, we should be able to accept that that's part of the deal.
What Liz seems to fail to see is that the story doesn't stop after marriage. It's not a fairy tale. Lots of things happen during "and they live happily ever after." Like adjustable rate mortgages and crushes on people who aren't your spouse and nasty in-laws and kids with colds, and disagreements on where to take the family vacation. And all those things, along with the good things, made it into the qualifier "happy." Happy is a state of mind.
But the whole article just seemed so fixated on marriage as some kind of end goal over which there is so much competition with her married friends. Relax, Liz Gottlieb. You seem like a complainer anyways. If you got married you'd just complain about that, too.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Puzzle pieces
Fitting in has always been a major preoccupation of mine.
When I was a kid, I was never sure if I fit in. As a teenager, I distinctly remember not wanting to fit in, and doing everything in my immediate power to stand out as much as possible.
As I got older, I wanted to fit into a certain size dress which was an increasingly impossible task. And then in my late 20's, I wanted desperately to fit with a guy and the desperation led me to desperate attractions to all the wrong men.
Lately though I have realized that as a puzzle piece, there must be some magnetic property that leads you exactly to where you need to be, if you just let it.
I have this amazing group of friends that I have known forever. We don't need to talk every day, but when we do...it just fits.
I have another sister from another mister. We met through such a convoluted set of circumstances, but I know we were meant to be besties because no one's sense of humor makes sense with mine quite as much as hers does.
And sometimes I think I am lucky enough to find myself in a crowded room full of strangers and magically, the one character that my character can get along with manifests itself, and I have an amazing time.
And sometimes I can get past myself enough to forget the room is full of strangers and immediately every face is friendly, every glance is welcome, and every hand is open.
I have become determined to be myself, and in so doing, have learned that fitting in should never be a struggle. I was made to fit into this world just as I am, and I am delighted to know that no one could fit into my place quite like I can.
When I was a kid, I was never sure if I fit in. As a teenager, I distinctly remember not wanting to fit in, and doing everything in my immediate power to stand out as much as possible.
As I got older, I wanted to fit into a certain size dress which was an increasingly impossible task. And then in my late 20's, I wanted desperately to fit with a guy and the desperation led me to desperate attractions to all the wrong men.
Lately though I have realized that as a puzzle piece, there must be some magnetic property that leads you exactly to where you need to be, if you just let it.
I have this amazing group of friends that I have known forever. We don't need to talk every day, but when we do...it just fits.
I have another sister from another mister. We met through such a convoluted set of circumstances, but I know we were meant to be besties because no one's sense of humor makes sense with mine quite as much as hers does.
And sometimes I think I am lucky enough to find myself in a crowded room full of strangers and magically, the one character that my character can get along with manifests itself, and I have an amazing time.
And sometimes I can get past myself enough to forget the room is full of strangers and immediately every face is friendly, every glance is welcome, and every hand is open.
I have become determined to be myself, and in so doing, have learned that fitting in should never be a struggle. I was made to fit into this world just as I am, and I am delighted to know that no one could fit into my place quite like I can.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Breaking up in any language...
So you know how in cheesy sitcoms all the boys seem to think it's awesome to date the foreign exchange student who's really hot but doesn't happen to speak any English?
Well, I got to fulfill the fantasy, briefly, with a young, beautiful dude from Brazil. He was amazingly sweet despite the fact that communicating with him was nearly impossible. I met him at a dance club, and it took me about 30 minutes before I realized he wasn't super drunk - he just wasn't speaking English. Literally.
Anyways, it came to a point where I couldn't handle being in the absence of adult conversation and decided I would tell him, with the help of Babel Fish, that I couldn't see him anymore because we didn't understand each other, and that was just no good.
I thought a really cut and dry translation would work well, and that would be the end of that.
But even though the words were a little off, and the accent a little jumbled, it doesn't matter, really, what words you use to tell someone goodbye. Guilt, rejection, sadness...they translated better than anything either of us every tried to say to one another. I regret making someone so sad. He probably has so many questions he can't figure out how to ask. And I have better explanations I don't know how to give. But all I know is he was incredibly upset, and I felt like a jerk, and it didn't matter if I was polite and tried my best to say it right. I don't think I needed to say anything at all.
It just sucks.
Well, I got to fulfill the fantasy, briefly, with a young, beautiful dude from Brazil. He was amazingly sweet despite the fact that communicating with him was nearly impossible. I met him at a dance club, and it took me about 30 minutes before I realized he wasn't super drunk - he just wasn't speaking English. Literally.
Anyways, it came to a point where I couldn't handle being in the absence of adult conversation and decided I would tell him, with the help of Babel Fish, that I couldn't see him anymore because we didn't understand each other, and that was just no good.
I thought a really cut and dry translation would work well, and that would be the end of that.
But even though the words were a little off, and the accent a little jumbled, it doesn't matter, really, what words you use to tell someone goodbye. Guilt, rejection, sadness...they translated better than anything either of us every tried to say to one another. I regret making someone so sad. He probably has so many questions he can't figure out how to ask. And I have better explanations I don't know how to give. But all I know is he was incredibly upset, and I felt like a jerk, and it didn't matter if I was polite and tried my best to say it right. I don't think I needed to say anything at all.
It just sucks.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Mood stabilizers for Denise Richards
Denise Richards used the C word on her new show. I don't know about you, but I kind of feel like if you want to "clear the air" by showing the world you are really a nice person, who is good to her friends and not a husband stealer, the least you can do is not use the C-word on TV, and maybe come up with a better defense than "how does someone steal someone else's husband really?"
Not buyin' it, Denise. Not buyin' it.
Not buyin' it, Denise. Not buyin' it.
Friday, April 11, 2008
PowerPoint - scourge of the Devil
So yesterday I went to a day long showcase where eight groups gave 10 minute PowerPoint presentations on their programs. They were lovely people, and their programs were also lovely. I would be so bold as to say their programs were inspiring.
What was sad was that even at 10 minutes, their presentations seemed so long I felt like I had aged 10 years by the time I got out of that auditorium.
I think it's such a sad thing when you work so hard to promote a program you feel so strongly about, and when other people see it in action, they absolutely love it, and then you do a professional type presentation on it and ...zzzzzzzz. Suddenly the coolest thing in the world just became excruciatingly boring.
Max Atkinson, author of Lend Me Your Ears did some creative calculating on how much PowerPoint is costing the British Economy. Taking the exchange rate, population, and pay scale into consideration, here's how his math applies to the US:
If there are 44,501,000 folks with college degrees earning an average of $50,000 a year in the US, and each one of those folks sits through one hour of PowerPoint presentations once a week, and 90% of those are totally boring, and no one gets a thing out of them, then the US is wasting over $49.9 billion dollars a year on boring PowerPoints. And that's not counting the time people spend researching, preparing the slides, and practicing their presentations.
No wonder we're in a recession.
What was sad was that even at 10 minutes, their presentations seemed so long I felt like I had aged 10 years by the time I got out of that auditorium.
I think it's such a sad thing when you work so hard to promote a program you feel so strongly about, and when other people see it in action, they absolutely love it, and then you do a professional type presentation on it and ...zzzzzzzz. Suddenly the coolest thing in the world just became excruciatingly boring.
Max Atkinson, author of Lend Me Your Ears did some creative calculating on how much PowerPoint is costing the British Economy. Taking the exchange rate, population, and pay scale into consideration, here's how his math applies to the US:
If there are 44,501,000 folks with college degrees earning an average of $50,000 a year in the US, and each one of those folks sits through one hour of PowerPoint presentations once a week, and 90% of those are totally boring, and no one gets a thing out of them, then the US is wasting over $49.9 billion dollars a year on boring PowerPoints. And that's not counting the time people spend researching, preparing the slides, and practicing their presentations.
No wonder we're in a recession.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
In Treatment
Ooooh! HBO's In Treatment is so good. I know I am writing about this about a month or two after all the magazines told you it was the show to watch on HBO. But whatever. I have On Demand. And I'm too busy to watch things before they become cool.
Anyway, this show, which is a real time conversation between therapist and those in treatment, stars, among others, a wicked old Gabriel Byrne, an amazingly hot Blair Underwood, and an a very squinty and poorly dressed Dianne Wiest.
The whole concept is pretty cool, especially for someone like me who's never been to a therapist but likes to pretend she's one every now and again.
Gabriel Byrne is a very sad and messed up therapist. He's in a loveless marriage, he's exhausted, and he's lost his passion for his work. For some reason I could watch him play this character endlessly. He's by far the most interesting character on the show because you get to see him be both self-absorbed and completely absorbed by the others.
Laura is his first patient of the week and is a total sex addict and commitment-phobe. She makes me angry because she's the show's only single, professional woman, and she has to be so totally messed up. The deviant version of Sex and the City. She shows why it's clearly NOT ok to always be on the prowl like Samantha -- because it makes you kind of a sociopath.
Alex, played by Blair Underwood, is fine to look at, but he annoys me more than any of the characters. I think it's because he most closely resembles the man I date over and over and over again. Well, he's totally narcissistic, slightly OCD, and so detached from his emotions it's laughable. And he's a veteran. So, yeah, at least a good half of my ex-boyfriends.
Then there's the teenage gymnast who makes you never want to have children, and the married couple who makes you never want to get married.
And finally, squinty Dianne Wiest, who seriously puts Gabriel Byrne in his place at the end of every week (she's *his* therapist). She's an inspiration the way she whips this guy's mental ass. I have been contemplating a Master's degree in psychology just so I can tell a guy he's being a jabrone and get paid for it. OK, I know that's not really a selfless motivation, but whatever.
This show is so awesome. TV time is such a luxury, and I have already had to carve out too much time from my busy schedule to watch this show, but I absolutely love watching how these different personalities react to Gabriel's probing questions. It's so amazing to me how what's so clear to everyone on the outside is often so hard to handle when you're confronted with it from someone else's perspective.
Emotional baggage and damage is a consistent theme in my writing, so I am glad there's a whole show to trumpet the cause. Go watch it. It will either fascinate you, or put you to sleep. And we all need more sleep, so either way it's a win.
Anyway, this show, which is a real time conversation between therapist and those in treatment, stars, among others, a wicked old Gabriel Byrne, an amazingly hot Blair Underwood, and an a very squinty and poorly dressed Dianne Wiest.
The whole concept is pretty cool, especially for someone like me who's never been to a therapist but likes to pretend she's one every now and again.
Gabriel Byrne is a very sad and messed up therapist. He's in a loveless marriage, he's exhausted, and he's lost his passion for his work. For some reason I could watch him play this character endlessly. He's by far the most interesting character on the show because you get to see him be both self-absorbed and completely absorbed by the others.
Laura is his first patient of the week and is a total sex addict and commitment-phobe. She makes me angry because she's the show's only single, professional woman, and she has to be so totally messed up. The deviant version of Sex and the City. She shows why it's clearly NOT ok to always be on the prowl like Samantha -- because it makes you kind of a sociopath.
Alex, played by Blair Underwood, is fine to look at, but he annoys me more than any of the characters. I think it's because he most closely resembles the man I date over and over and over again. Well, he's totally narcissistic, slightly OCD, and so detached from his emotions it's laughable. And he's a veteran. So, yeah, at least a good half of my ex-boyfriends.
Then there's the teenage gymnast who makes you never want to have children, and the married couple who makes you never want to get married.
And finally, squinty Dianne Wiest, who seriously puts Gabriel Byrne in his place at the end of every week (she's *his* therapist). She's an inspiration the way she whips this guy's mental ass. I have been contemplating a Master's degree in psychology just so I can tell a guy he's being a jabrone and get paid for it. OK, I know that's not really a selfless motivation, but whatever.
This show is so awesome. TV time is such a luxury, and I have already had to carve out too much time from my busy schedule to watch this show, but I absolutely love watching how these different personalities react to Gabriel's probing questions. It's so amazing to me how what's so clear to everyone on the outside is often so hard to handle when you're confronted with it from someone else's perspective.
Emotional baggage and damage is a consistent theme in my writing, so I am glad there's a whole show to trumpet the cause. Go watch it. It will either fascinate you, or put you to sleep. And we all need more sleep, so either way it's a win.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Yoga and perspective
I first off wanted to brag about my stellar performance at yoga class last night. I did two moves successfully that I have never, ever, ever been able to do before:
The crow and the bird of paradise. I've added pictures below, so you can marvel at my talents.
I was absolutely psyched because I've never been able to do the crow without face planting, and last night as I was crouching down, at the part where I usually get all nervous and think about how much it's going to hurt when I fall on my face, I instead said to myself, "I'm going to do this. And it's gonna be awesome." And I totally did. The bird one was a little crazier. I saw myself doing it in the mirror, freaked out because it looks totally unnatural, and fell over after about 1 breath. But I got there, and that's the first step.
So, that's the good news.
Today, on the eve of Valentine's Day, possibly the most evil plot perpetrated on single women in America today, I got to chatting with MSFAM about relationships. She's in one, and like most of us, has been in some previous baddies, leaving her with trust issues.
We were talking about how there are things that girls naturally do better than boys. And believe me, I could fill a few pages with this one, but I'll just focus on what we were talking about: remembering things significant to the relationship in great detail.
Men usually find this psychotic. They just don't understand that most of us are simply programmed this way. And we got to the "maybe he just doesn't understand women..." part of the conversation, and I said this:
"Well, no man does, really. They especially don't understand the ones they're in a romantic relationship with. The closer you are to people, the less you understand them because the more you rely on them, the more you only see their actions in terms of your needs."
A grand generalization, yes, I know. I'm almost being unfair. I should bow down and hail all those relationships where the communications skills are equal, perfect, fair and objective. There really are so many examples. Like....um...right.
But really. I know I've caught myself at this with men in the past. Ex.: I assume he's mad at me, so everything he does or says indicates that he is mad (whether or not it's the case) which then effects how I react (because I think he's mad, so I'm sheepish or defensive or nasty) and then, we both really get mad. For no reason.
Or when you are in a relationship giving advice to the other (solicited or unsolicited) but for some reason, when it's coming from you, rather than a third party not intimately involved, it's somehow a loaded gun instead of friendly advice.
I don't think all this is a given. I think miscommunication just becomes alot easier when your back and forth is mediated by email, text messages, third parties, *blogs*, and phone calls that come at really inopportune times so instead of being the main attraction they become distractions. And of course you have to acknowledge that certain sense of self-centeredness and defensiveness that comes from being in a bunch of failed relationships - that doesn't help much either.
I think open and honest communication is certainly attainable, and a great goal to have. I just worry sometimes that too much emotional damage, and too many channels of communication and interpretations thereof create more obstacle than enhancement. Which is why I do the crow and the bird of paradise. It grounds me, so that when someone communicates with me, I can take it for what it is. Or what I interpret what it is to be.
Jeez.
Never mind.
The crow and the bird of paradise. I've added pictures below, so you can marvel at my talents.
I was absolutely psyched because I've never been able to do the crow without face planting, and last night as I was crouching down, at the part where I usually get all nervous and think about how much it's going to hurt when I fall on my face, I instead said to myself, "I'm going to do this. And it's gonna be awesome." And I totally did. The bird one was a little crazier. I saw myself doing it in the mirror, freaked out because it looks totally unnatural, and fell over after about 1 breath. But I got there, and that's the first step.
So, that's the good news.
Today, on the eve of Valentine's Day, possibly the most evil plot perpetrated on single women in America today, I got to chatting with MSFAM about relationships. She's in one, and like most of us, has been in some previous baddies, leaving her with trust issues.
We were talking about how there are things that girls naturally do better than boys. And believe me, I could fill a few pages with this one, but I'll just focus on what we were talking about: remembering things significant to the relationship in great detail.
Men usually find this psychotic. They just don't understand that most of us are simply programmed this way. And we got to the "maybe he just doesn't understand women..." part of the conversation, and I said this:
"Well, no man does, really. They especially don't understand the ones they're in a romantic relationship with. The closer you are to people, the less you understand them because the more you rely on them, the more you only see their actions in terms of your needs."
A grand generalization, yes, I know. I'm almost being unfair. I should bow down and hail all those relationships where the communications skills are equal, perfect, fair and objective. There really are so many examples. Like....um...right.
But really. I know I've caught myself at this with men in the past. Ex.: I assume he's mad at me, so everything he does or says indicates that he is mad (whether or not it's the case) which then effects how I react (because I think he's mad, so I'm sheepish or defensive or nasty) and then, we both really get mad. For no reason.
Or when you are in a relationship giving advice to the other (solicited or unsolicited) but for some reason, when it's coming from you, rather than a third party not intimately involved, it's somehow a loaded gun instead of friendly advice.
I don't think all this is a given. I think miscommunication just becomes alot easier when your back and forth is mediated by email, text messages, third parties, *blogs*, and phone calls that come at really inopportune times so instead of being the main attraction they become distractions. And of course you have to acknowledge that certain sense of self-centeredness and defensiveness that comes from being in a bunch of failed relationships - that doesn't help much either.
I think open and honest communication is certainly attainable, and a great goal to have. I just worry sometimes that too much emotional damage, and too many channels of communication and interpretations thereof create more obstacle than enhancement. Which is why I do the crow and the bird of paradise. It grounds me, so that when someone communicates with me, I can take it for what it is. Or what I interpret what it is to be.
Jeez.
Never mind.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Selfish.
I read this on my friend Tyrone's away message. Sometimes it's worth it to K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, sister). When we spend too much time whining, moaning, complaining and wondering why certain people are so nasty, so mean, give us the non-verbal FU. They're just selfish. And you'd do better not to have them in your life. Read on.
Question: Why are people nice when they want or need something from you and afterward they are jerks?
Answer: Because it is all about them and no one else. This is called 'selfish'. They will do anything to get what they want, as long as it is not hurting them. If you stop giving to them, then they will stop doing that, but then they will likely not come around much anymore. These people are not friends and it is better if they do not come around. Unfortunately this happens to all people at some point in their lives. And there are so awful many of that type of people in the world today. They always want something for nothing. The only way to stop it is to stop giving them what they want.
Question: Why are people nice when they want or need something from you and afterward they are jerks?
Answer: Because it is all about them and no one else. This is called 'selfish'. They will do anything to get what they want, as long as it is not hurting them. If you stop giving to them, then they will stop doing that, but then they will likely not come around much anymore. These people are not friends and it is better if they do not come around. Unfortunately this happens to all people at some point in their lives. And there are so awful many of that type of people in the world today. They always want something for nothing. The only way to stop it is to stop giving them what they want.
Monday, February 4, 2008
BINGO!
Awhile back, My Sister From Another Mister (MSFAM) told me about this fun game you can play with your ex's. It's called "Whatever-was-a-consistent-and-slightly-troubling-theme-in-your-past-
relationships BINGO!" Basically, it's a way to count how many relationships have gone sour with guys exhibiting some similar trait. It's fun, and totally unique to your own, sad dating situation.
We told some 21 year old about it and she was like, "Why would you do that?"
"Because, you young, naive thing," I said, "it gives meaning and levity to all your failed relationships."
I don't think this is a new game; MSFAM just put a name to it.
In college I knew a girl who played Boys from Many Lands BINGO. She tapped all the exchange students (the Russian was my favorite because of the way he said "Cheese Nips"), and anyone who was a naturalized citizen. She fell in love with some local guy for a while and stopped playing, but all in all, she did pretty well.
I know plenty of gals out there who've played Musician BINGO, Fine Arts BINGO, Celebrity BINGO. It's never ending.
Totally by accident, MSFAM played Differently Abled BINGO. She got three. With the free spot, she's one away from a win.
Me on the other hand...my BINGO card is full. I started playing Mental Illness BINGO in college, and I'll tell you, I just won the coverall. I've decided it's time I stopped playing.
I don't think mental illness is funny, or anything to laugh about. In fact, I never even really noticed the pattern. Until recently. When it dawned on me, I have dated men with the following:
1) Depression
2) Generalized Anxiety
3) Compulsive Lying
4) Seasonal Affective Disorder
5) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
6) Addictions of various kinds
7) Mood Disorder
8) Bipolar
9) Social Anxiety
10) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
11) Panic Disorder
And though I don't have confirmation, I'd be willing to bet there was a narcissistic personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, certainly an undiagnosed binge eating disorder, and separation anxiety.
Believe you me, I don't find this hysterical, and I'm certainly not one to make fun of folks who are facing these kinds of challenges. I've been a witness to far to much of the sadness, secrecy, and heartbreak (usually mine) that comes from mental illness, so I definitely take it seriously.
The thing is, when I say in that silly and sarcastic way of mine, "Men are crazy," am I signaling to the Universe that I want all these dudes sent my way?
I'm trying to figure out what this is supposed to signal for me as I move forward. Am I supposed to follow the inevitable path and become a psychiatrist? Or perhaps avoid dating altogether and sign up for the convent? Or is it that I myself have several dozen undiagnosed mental illnesses and should therefore get my a$$ to the therapist and start hashing some stuff out?
I'm still trying to figure it out. But I just wanted you all to know, I'm retiring my BINGO card. I've won some great prizes, but I've lost a little more than I've gained, and I have spent far too long in the smoky, depressing, poorly lit church hall playing this particular round. It's time to move on.
relationships BINGO!" Basically, it's a way to count how many relationships have gone sour with guys exhibiting some similar trait. It's fun, and totally unique to your own, sad dating situation.
We told some 21 year old about it and she was like, "Why would you do that?"
"Because, you young, naive thing," I said, "it gives meaning and levity to all your failed relationships."
I don't think this is a new game; MSFAM just put a name to it.
In college I knew a girl who played Boys from Many Lands BINGO. She tapped all the exchange students (the Russian was my favorite because of the way he said "Cheese Nips"), and anyone who was a naturalized citizen. She fell in love with some local guy for a while and stopped playing, but all in all, she did pretty well.
I know plenty of gals out there who've played Musician BINGO, Fine Arts BINGO, Celebrity BINGO. It's never ending.
Totally by accident, MSFAM played Differently Abled BINGO. She got three. With the free spot, she's one away from a win.
Me on the other hand...my BINGO card is full. I started playing Mental Illness BINGO in college, and I'll tell you, I just won the coverall. I've decided it's time I stopped playing.
I don't think mental illness is funny, or anything to laugh about. In fact, I never even really noticed the pattern. Until recently. When it dawned on me, I have dated men with the following:
1) Depression
2) Generalized Anxiety
3) Compulsive Lying
4) Seasonal Affective Disorder
5) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
6) Addictions of various kinds
7) Mood Disorder
8) Bipolar
9) Social Anxiety
10) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
11) Panic Disorder
And though I don't have confirmation, I'd be willing to bet there was a narcissistic personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, certainly an undiagnosed binge eating disorder, and separation anxiety.
Believe you me, I don't find this hysterical, and I'm certainly not one to make fun of folks who are facing these kinds of challenges. I've been a witness to far to much of the sadness, secrecy, and heartbreak (usually mine) that comes from mental illness, so I definitely take it seriously.
The thing is, when I say in that silly and sarcastic way of mine, "Men are crazy," am I signaling to the Universe that I want all these dudes sent my way?
I'm trying to figure out what this is supposed to signal for me as I move forward. Am I supposed to follow the inevitable path and become a psychiatrist? Or perhaps avoid dating altogether and sign up for the convent? Or is it that I myself have several dozen undiagnosed mental illnesses and should therefore get my a$$ to the therapist and start hashing some stuff out?
I'm still trying to figure it out. But I just wanted you all to know, I'm retiring my BINGO card. I've won some great prizes, but I've lost a little more than I've gained, and I have spent far too long in the smoky, depressing, poorly lit church hall playing this particular round. It's time to move on.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Things I know for sure...
As you may know, Oprah is one of my idols. Inspired by the Queen of afternoon talk TV (and Queen of several other things) here are the things JDubs knows for sure.
1) Don't buy scratch tickets when you are feeling lucky. This is a stupid thing to waste your money on, because lucky people don't win the lottery. People who spend too much money on the lottery and old people win the lottery. That's all.
2) Almost everyone in local government is a mumbler. These people resent their audience almost as much as Kurt Cobain did. I don't really know why, but they do.
3) Karma never forgets you. She may turn her back for a while, but seriously, she's got a mind like a trap.
4) When all else fails, watch a bunch of 10 year olds play laser tag. It's the funniest thing going.
5) I will never be as desperate as the women on reality TV dating shows.
6) When it comes to catastrophe, I think women have the better deal. We tend and befriend. Which means from tragedy we create friendship, help, and better our surroundings. Men have that fight or flight thing: they get violent or disappear. This isn't news. It's just nice to have scientific proof that men are genetically inferior. I don't hold it against them - still love them - just glad to know I win on yet another level.
7) Nothing is more satisfying than sending an intense email.
8) Bananas are the most perfect food, but banana flavor is disgusting.
9) There should be more stand-up comedians in office.
10) When you learn to trust yourself, life becomes about a million times easier.
1) Don't buy scratch tickets when you are feeling lucky. This is a stupid thing to waste your money on, because lucky people don't win the lottery. People who spend too much money on the lottery and old people win the lottery. That's all.
2) Almost everyone in local government is a mumbler. These people resent their audience almost as much as Kurt Cobain did. I don't really know why, but they do.
3) Karma never forgets you. She may turn her back for a while, but seriously, she's got a mind like a trap.
4) When all else fails, watch a bunch of 10 year olds play laser tag. It's the funniest thing going.
5) I will never be as desperate as the women on reality TV dating shows.
6) When it comes to catastrophe, I think women have the better deal. We tend and befriend. Which means from tragedy we create friendship, help, and better our surroundings. Men have that fight or flight thing: they get violent or disappear. This isn't news. It's just nice to have scientific proof that men are genetically inferior. I don't hold it against them - still love them - just glad to know I win on yet another level.
7) Nothing is more satisfying than sending an intense email.
8) Bananas are the most perfect food, but banana flavor is disgusting.
9) There should be more stand-up comedians in office.
10) When you learn to trust yourself, life becomes about a million times easier.
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