BINGO!

Awhile back, My Sister From Another Mister (MSFAM) told me about this fun game you can play with your ex's. It's called "Whatever-was-a-consistent-and-slightly-troubling-theme-in-your-past-
relationships BINGO!" Basically, it's a way to count how many relationships have gone sour with guys exhibiting some similar trait. It's fun, and totally unique to your own, sad dating situation.

We told some 21 year old about it and she was like, "Why would you do that?"

"Because, you young, naive thing," I said, "it gives meaning and levity to all your failed relationships."

I don't think this is a new game; MSFAM just put a name to it.

In college I knew a girl who played Boys from Many Lands BINGO. She tapped all the exchange students (the Russian was my favorite because of the way he said "Cheese Nips"), and anyone who was a naturalized citizen. She fell in love with some local guy for a while and stopped playing, but all in all, she did pretty well.

I know plenty of gals out there who've played Musician BINGO, Fine Arts BINGO, Celebrity BINGO. It's never ending.

Totally by accident, MSFAM played Differently Abled BINGO. She got three. With the free spot, she's one away from a win.

Me on the other hand...my BINGO card is full. I started playing Mental Illness BINGO in college, and I'll tell you, I just won the coverall. I've decided it's time I stopped playing.

I don't think mental illness is funny, or anything to laugh about. In fact, I never even really noticed the pattern. Until recently. When it dawned on me, I have dated men with the following:

1) Depression
2) Generalized Anxiety
3) Compulsive Lying
4) Seasonal Affective Disorder
5) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
6) Addictions of various kinds
7) Mood Disorder
8) Bipolar
9) Social Anxiety
10) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
11) Panic Disorder

And though I don't have confirmation, I'd be willing to bet there was a narcissistic personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, certainly an undiagnosed binge eating disorder, and separation anxiety.

Believe you me, I don't find this hysterical, and I'm certainly not one to make fun of folks who are facing these kinds of challenges. I've been a witness to far to much of the sadness, secrecy, and heartbreak (usually mine) that comes from mental illness, so I definitely take it seriously.

The thing is, when I say in that silly and sarcastic way of mine, "Men are crazy," am I signaling to the Universe that I want all these dudes sent my way?

I'm trying to figure out what this is supposed to signal for me as I move forward. Am I supposed to follow the inevitable path and become a psychiatrist? Or perhaps avoid dating altogether and sign up for the convent? Or is it that I myself have several dozen undiagnosed mental illnesses and should therefore get my a$$ to the therapist and start hashing some stuff out?

I'm still trying to figure it out. But I just wanted you all to know, I'm retiring my BINGO card. I've won some great prizes, but I've lost a little more than I've gained, and I have spent far too long in the smoky, depressing, poorly lit church hall playing this particular round. It's time to move on.