LOST, The End, and Everything

After watching last night's finale, I can't say I've been moved to write an interpretation of film (because that's really what Lost was...a series of really well done short films) since college. When I was forced to.

I think the finale rightly put us, as viewers, in an interesting place. When LOST began, we got hooked on the characters. I remember I came late to the LOST party, and caught an episode on repeat while I was falling asleep in an airport hotel. It was one of the early episodes about Sun and Jin and I was totally fascinated by the facade of their relationship, their secrets, their obvious love for each other and confusion on how to reconcile it with their inability to trust each other or themselves. It was, in a word, AMAZING. So then I had to watch the rest.

What kept me watching years into it was the crazy X-files stuff they threw in there. There was a new mystery every week, and each new turn always brought out new secrets, fun facts, and statements of personality about the characters which made me love them even more.

Finally, in the end, even though it was confusing, it all started to make sense to me (admittedly, these are my personal interpretations, but they seemed to click for me).

So maybe we never knew the origin of The Others, but do we really ever allow ourselves to see into the hearts of our perceived enemies? How else could they remain "other" - an entity that we could fight and harm without remorse?

They were framed as the people who didn't "get it." But really, they were lost, shipwrecked people, just like every other person on the island. They were the parents of Jacob and the Man in Black - the island's Adam. But they wanted to stake their claim, they thought they were "the good guys" and they were never able to be at peace - with themselves, with Jacob, with the Dharma initiative, or with any of the islands visitors. They just kicked the crap out of everyone they happened along. Because they were attempting to protect something (the Temple) at whatever cost. And they automatically believed that anyone who wasn't one of them must be bad. Sound familiar yet?

And it seemed pretty right that a confused and unhappy man (The Man in Black) who was obsessed with the one thing he couldn't have would come face to face with the most perfect representation of life and peace and hope (you know...that weird tunnel with the light) and "turn into a monster" for lack of understanding. And he wasn't just a self-contained monster...oh no. He was the kind of monster that wasn't happy until he made everyone around him just as miserable as he was.

And any time someone came face to face with it, it seemed as if they were literally facing their demons. Remember when Mr. Eko saw all the scenes from his life in the monster? Or how the monster, when he was in human form, new everyone's business? He was totally your worst nightmare.

Jacob's mother? Well, everyone and everything has a mother...that's what they said. The island had to have one. The Virgin Mary was just a girl in a small town when she was chosen. She became a mother in a way that was fairly inexplicable to most of the people around her. Granted, she didn't kill anyone, but this Island brings out the worst in people. So I think she was kind of the Anti-Virgin.

And that light? I mean, sure it was totally cheesy and silly looking, but I can't imagine that a man-made visual representation of "the energy force that sustains everything" would be very believable. When Desmond pulled out the plug and proclaimed it "some kind of drain" and the island started falling apart, I couldn't help but think of The Never Ending Story, and the Nothing, and the boy's task to remake the world of imagination from one grain of sand. "OF COURSE it isn't real!" I thought.

All that Egyptian stuff just seemed to be the symbol that yes, this is an eternal story. This is the struggle we have all had, as humans, since we first learned to stand upright, talk, make tools, innovate, and of course, hurt each other. We have always been creating things to help us obtain power over others, manipulate our circumstances, and take advantage of opportunities. Sometimes (often times) to our own detriment. In trying to win, people sometimes forget how to work together, and then end up, like Jacob said, "all alone."

Back at the church, the good Christian Shepherd told Jack, "everything was real and everything mattered and the most important part of your lives was when you were all together." Sounds like a sermon to me.

So, like the Losties, I sat there realizing the truth of it all. That sometimes the most complicated situations we can imagine are really there to teach us some of the simplest lessons. Because most of us won't listen to the simple stuff. We need all the bells, whistles, explosions, polar bears, crashed planes, complicated story lines and hot guys without shirts on to catch our attention.

To take one of TV's highest budget, craziest, most watched and most innovative shows and end it with a quiet sermon, in a non denominational church, panning a group of friendly, diverse faces, kissing and hugging, and speechless because of the depth of their love for one another may have seemed ridiculous, but it might have been one of the most revolutionary moves I've ever seen.

In the end it wasn't about special effects, or solved mysteries, or secrets or lies, or whatever. It was just about love. Which, in the end, it always is, isn't it?

growth

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them. ~George Bernard Shaw

Ah, to be grateful for the person who can accept you as you are, even if that person is not who you were yesterday.

Thinking about change as I watched the numbers tick on the big screen at the Shamrock tonight, and another election day came and went, and another group of people made another set of decisions, and small pockets of human beings celebrated triumphs and lamented defeats, and made plans for the future. And something small shifted in a way that could mean huge shifts down the road.

And I am reminded of how the small shifts I make each day effect days, years and months I can't even imagine now.

And I am reminded of how grateful I am for those who will love me no matter what. And grateful for those whom I have met, who I love.

Thanks for an amazing day.

Fall vanity

In the midst of home improvement projects and practically cutting my finger off with the Cling Wrap box, I decided to investigate how to make my hands prettier.

Fall colors for nails include metallics (I have), green (weird), vampire red (of course, Edward Cullen) and midnight blue (so you look dead).

Enjoy!

Commentary on my house buying.

So today my friend told her 5 year old that I bought a house.

The five year old (remember, she's five) said, "Did she get a husband, too?"

My friend said, "No!" and laughed.

The five year old replied, "It's not funny other people have husbands." After a short pause she asked, "So, she's doing this all by herself?"

"Yes she is," said my friend.

"Hmmm..." mused the five year old, "I don't know about that."

If I were a dude I would have a harem

I recently bought a house. By myself.

The other day, I had a lovely female friend over, and we were talking about the new home, furniture and fixtures I was planning to buy, the home improvement projects I had just successfully completed, and the paint colors I had chosen. I've been in the house for almost 3 weeks, and I am close to being finished setting it all up. Cosmetically anyways. The roof, that's another story.

In the midst of the tour, she turned to me, and casually said, "You know how Gloria Steinem said we're becoming the men we want to marry? Well, you're the man I want to marry."

As weird as this sounded, I believe it's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. And ironic because I can't really remember anyone ever telling me that I was the woman they wanted to marry. Well, actually once, in college, when I told some guy how much I liked beer, and how I actually knew the difference between the different types of beers, he told me he wanted to marry me. But that's it.

Having been uncoupled for most of my adult life, I've had to figure out ways to do most of life's activities alone when I have to. Eating, sleeping, taking out the trash, moving furniture (except for the really heavy stuff), paying the bills, planning vacations. I've always wondered if being needier would have made me a more irresistible mate. But being needy is something I can't even fake.

Maybe knowing that I didn't need to be taken care of made me seem a little stand offish. Maybe not being needed, just being wanted, was hard for my former partners to take. Maybe I'm better off without them anyways.

But at the end of the day, the reason the comment made me smile was that I heard in it not only the permission but the insistence that I continue to be myself.

It was freeing to imagine that my independence, ability to work hard and take care of myself and those around me would actually be considered desirable qualities. Because I always thought they were.

Oh, the inanity

So, I was just hanging around on Facebook....for HOURS...and was thinking about how boring it is. I am reading things like, "Timmy is thinking about beer," and "Sandra is putting on her jammies," and I am thinking about why it is infinitely interesting (or seems to be) to read about the inanity of other people's lives. I mean, some of them are my close friends, and so their lives are infinitely interesting to me. But why do I need to know what a marginal acquaintance is watching on TV on a Sunday afternoon?

Like really? I care that you're putting on your jammies? I mean, maybe this is what this online generation thing is all about. I am wondering if seeing the boringness of everyone else's life is giving us permission to be boring. Or is making everything seem boring because you can have 24 hour access to every move your friend makes, every beer they drink, every trip they take - provided they took pictures. Like world travel is on the same importance level as working on a spreadsheet on Tuesday morning in the realm of Facebook. Is that normal?

I wonder sometimes about the value of this limitless availability to people's personal lives - I mean jeez, I hope you're not reading this thinking it's actually interesting. I am in awe of the fact that people in Belgium and Vietnam have read my blog. How is this possible? How is what I say interesting to a person who lives on the other side of the world?

In one way it is really "it's a small world after all" and what have you. How we can all be so connected. And then I realize that I have no idea what the person sitting next to me on the bus is thinking. And she's RIGHT THERE. Oh, the irony.

Well, whatever. I think it's good that people know when I am asleep and awake, and using whitening strips, and reading Rolling Stone magazine, which is why I tell them via Facebook. It's good that they have something interesting to read about while their being bored out of their minds.

The best break-up and blow-off methods (an opinion poll)

I recently polled a bunch of hot young ladies in their 20-30 something years on what type of break-up communication would be least offensive to them. The poll came on the tail of a conversation with a friend of the male persuasion who had sent a break-up email to a woman after one date. He suffered great distress when I told him his break-up email was totally terrible and offensive. To investigate my claim, I sent out this poll:

So, you go on one date with a guy, and a few days later he sends you an email that basically says he doesn't want to go out again. Which reason would make you feel better? And would you prefer an email or a call?

1) I had a great time, but I met someone else and I want to focus on that right now.

2) I had a great time, but I felt more of a friend connection with you rather than a relationship connection.

****
Here are the results:

67% of women preferred the call. 22% preferred email and said they wanted to avoid an awkward conversation. 11% had no preference.

It was a three way tie over which option was better.

33% said they were on the fence with the reasons, saying: either reason was acceptable, both were gross, or as long as it was the truth it didn't matter.

33% chose option 1, the "I met someone else" reason. However, two of these women also found the merit of option 2, the "we don't have a connection" reason. They reasoned that at first, option 2 sounded like a lie. Which is good. This means we all think of ourselves as very sexy, and good self-esteem is important!

33% chose option 2. They reasoned it sounded nicer, and was classier than admitting one was dating around.

Everyone added some editorial comments. Here are some of my favorites:

"Honestly, I am thinking I'd rather hear that they met someone else...I could be mad at him and the other woman, which would help me get over it faster."

"I can understand getting along with someone else more and respect him for saying so......But I'd also let him know I do not plan to be a back up so don't call for another date if that's his decision!"

"I appreciate honesty and being direct, but [option 1] is just simply poor taste.
Decency? Manners? All a thing of the past."

"I think either is acceptable.
PS - He's stupid."

"I would feel more comfortable if I got an email from him instead of a phone call. After you read the email you can write him back and say thanks for the input...have a great life!"

"Email is a pussy way to get out of any more dates."

"That guy is lame. He def should have called"

"guess if I felt kind of into the guy after the date, I'd appreciate a call. If I didn't give a shiz, I wouldn't care if it was email or not. In general I feel like a call shows much more respect. But I'm kind of a neo-ludite."

****

Personally, I said that while the truth is the best policy, I would prefer the "no chemistry" to "I'm into someone else" because it would be better for my self-esteem. I could get over the fact that he just doesn't get how awesome I am more than the insinuation that he thinks someone else is BETTER than me (unless, of course, I thought he was a total dud anyways).

I also think there is something really icky about bringing up the fact that you are dating other people. If we're in a date situation, I want all focus on me, and I don't need to hear about your other escapades. It leaves me feeling covered in slime. There's a reason you want to date her over me (if she actually exists) like I live too far away, I don't share your political views, my laugh irritates you. Say that instead. At least I'll feel like I have a concrete reason.

And I always think the phone is the most adult way to do things. It shows you really care, you're not being a fraidy cat, and you really want to be able to hear the person's response. An email can be such a cop-out in that regard, because it's totally one way.

In the end, I think everyone has a very individual response to being let down, and while there are certain things you can do to make a bad situation better, there is no perfect answer to making a difficult conversation easy. My male friend said he had the best of intentions with his "no more dates for us" email, and reasoned it was better than nothing at all. I think we can all agree that's true!

And there is a happy end. The cast-off woman actually answered the email (so I was told) and seems like they're going to be pals, and maybe go out for coffee sometime. As friends. Who knew things could turn out so rosy? It gives me hope for the future.