As you may know, Oprah is one of my idols. Inspired by the Queen of afternoon talk TV (and Queen of several other things) here are the things JDubs knows for sure.
1) Don't buy scratch tickets when you are feeling lucky. This is a stupid thing to waste your money on, because lucky people don't win the lottery. People who spend too much money on the lottery and old people win the lottery. That's all.
2) Almost everyone in local government is a mumbler. These people resent their audience almost as much as Kurt Cobain did. I don't really know why, but they do.
3) Karma never forgets you. She may turn her back for a while, but seriously, she's got a mind like a trap.
4) When all else fails, watch a bunch of 10 year olds play laser tag. It's the funniest thing going.
5) I will never be as desperate as the women on reality TV dating shows.
6) When it comes to catastrophe, I think women have the better deal. We tend and befriend. Which means from tragedy we create friendship, help, and better our surroundings. Men have that fight or flight thing: they get violent or disappear. This isn't news. It's just nice to have scientific proof that men are genetically inferior. I don't hold it against them - still love them - just glad to know I win on yet another level.
7) Nothing is more satisfying than sending an intense email.
8) Bananas are the most perfect food, but banana flavor is disgusting.
9) There should be more stand-up comedians in office.
10) When you learn to trust yourself, life becomes about a million times easier.
